Home and Recovering

I just wanted to pop in to give a quick update.  I am home and recovering.  Tired.  I definitely feel like I got hit by a big truck.  I am trying to get the pain management under control, and I have been really dizzy/nauseous.  I think once that is on track, it will be a lot better.  Glenn and Tim have done a terrific job taking care of me!  The kids have been really sweet.  Even the cat has been glued to me. :) 

Thanks everyone for the well wishes and prayers.  It means a lot to me.

Tondalea

Surgery done!

Tondalea came through the surgery with flying colors, with about the best results that we could hope for. The lump was removed of course, along with two lymph nodes that the doctors checked on the spot for signs of cancer spread. The lymph nodes were clean, which meant that they didn't need to take out more of them. There's still some testing to do on them at a more specialized lab, but so far these are the results we hoped for.

Tondalea is home now, resting in her own bed. The kids have been coming up one at a time to check in with her and make sure she's really OK. To some degree the surgery was the simple part - there's still radiation to do, and the open question of chemotherapy. But we're enjoying the good results for now. :)


-Glenn

"The Club"

Yesterday was a tough one.  I started the day by going to the hospital for a pre-op blood draw.  No big deal physically, but mentally it really hit me. Surgery is SOON and I need to be ready.  Is anyone ready?  I was talking with a friend about the whole thing, wondering why it is so emotional.  I think I figured it out.  Usually when someone has surgery it is to HEAL or FIX something--the beginning of being back to normal.  In this case, the surgery marks the beginning of the FIGHT.  Sometimes I am not sure I am up for either the surgery or the fight.  After the stop at the hospital, I needed to get a post-surgery bra.  They told me to bring a front closing sports bra--impossible to find in regular stores right now.  I ended up going to the medical supply store.  Well, when I got in there it really looked like a "dealing with breast cancer" store.  Racks of head wraps/hats, wigs, modified swim suits, and products to deal with lymphodema.  Tons of products with the pink ribbon, and a book everywhere called "blessed with cancer".  To be honest, at this point, I don't feel BLESSED with cancer.  I feel blessed in a lot of ways, none have anything to do with cancer.  I just wanted to get in and out of this place as quickly as I could.  No such luck.  Everything in my life seems to have become a medical event--including buying bras.  We had to fill out all the paperwork because the insurance pays part of the cost for medical supplies for recovery, they had me change my size due to post-op swelling, etc.  Something I have done for many years-buy bras-is now something I can't do without a medical opinion.  Sigh.  As I walked out of this store, I had a thought...I guess I am now officially a member of "the club".  They have a file on me.  I just pray that I don't have to earn the "frequent shopper card". 

But, aside from that depressing part, it was a good day.  Liam excitedly headed out for his very first Boy Scout Campout!  He really needed to just go hang out with BOYS.  Sometimes I feel sorry for him being totally surrounded by sisters.  Kate celebrated her birthday with 14 fun girls.  They ate brownies, drank soda, and watched the newest Harry Potter movie.  It was nice to hear so much laughter.  We have worried for so long that Kate struggled to get any social skills.  I guess she is managing okay.  She really is becoming an incredible young lady.  I think she is finding out who she is, and that confidence is helping her to be more social.  She still loves a good book, but she can actually put it away and enjoy friends too.  Yeah!

Today is a great day!  The sun is shining.  I am planning to enjoy mowing the lawn.  I do all of the lawn mowing in the family--until now.  Someone else is going to have to take over this season.  Is it crazy that I think I will miss it?  Then we are planning to take Nikki to the dog park and let her run until she is so tired she just can't run any more.  Rain is supposed to be back soon.  Glenn also bought fancy sausage to grill on the BBQ for dinner.  Yumm. 

The best part of the weekend is tomorrow.  Easter.  I have always been grateful for the Savior and his atonement.  It seems to have particular impact this year.  I really do KNOW that because of God's plan, and Christ's sacrifice there is so much more than this life and this body.  I find incredible peace in knowing that God knows my needs better than even I do and is always there for me.  My testimony of his love for ALL of his children only seems to grow as I am forced to walk into the unknown.  Right now, my faith seems to be the best tool of all to use to get me through.  Happy Easter to you all!

Tondalea

An Oncologist, or two

Well, yesterday was the day we met the Medical oncologist.  I was hoping to get some "master plan", but again more "wait and see".  What he did say, is that if I had been his patient 3 years ago, we would have done radiation and chemotherapy.  Now, they have a tool called Oncotype DX.  Basically what they do is send some of the tumor to a separate place for analysis.  They do a genetic study based on factors known to be present for spread and recurrence of cancer.  Then that information is put into algorithm and a number is produced that helps predict likelihood of recurrence/spread.  Low is better than high.  Those with a low number don't seem to be helped by chemotherapy.  High numbers indicate that chemotherapy is very helpful in defeating the cancer so it doesn't spread or come back.  At least then, you know that the chemo is worth it, I guess.  What you really want from this test is a definitive number, so that you have confidence in the treatment plan.  If it is borderline, it goes back to the oncologist's experience to help make a decision.

The bonus, I guess, is that I will also have a radiation oncologist.  That person specializes in the radiation part of the treatment plan.  I will meet him on 5/13.  The expectation is that the post-surgery oncology report will be back at that time ( maybe not the oncotype dx).  I will meet with both oncologists.  It is a bit disconcerting that the appointment is scheduled for 2 1/2 hours.  Hmmm.  I am trying not to worry about that.

I never wanted one Oncologist, but certainly not two!

One week to surgery.  I am trying to get the house in shape, knowing that it is going to be "kid clean" for a while.  You know, "Mom clean", and "kid clean" can mean very different things.  I keep trying to remind myself that my "job" after surgery is going to be resting.  That is something I have never done well. 

I know that I haven't even entered the world of "cancer treatment" yet.  Mostly just "cancer testing" and "talking about cancer", but I think when the diagnosis came, it took my brain with it.  I have read about the side effects of some of the treatment being short-term memory loss/ confusion/etc.  I didn't realize that simply by saying my name and cancer in the same sentence my brain would no longer be able to multi-task and would lose information randomly!  There is one silver lining.  Glenn has bought me a rental brain!  We are unexpectedly getting a tax return ( hurray for writing off property taxes) and Glenn ordered an iPad to help me pass the time away sitting in Doctor's offices and to help keep track of details.  Boggle is a good distraction when waiting for a stressful meeting with doctors.  It seems to help me keep my emotions in check.

So, look out, I will probably be a boggle and mahjongg champion by the time this is all over!

Tondalea

Surgery Date

Hi Everyone,

Well, information seems to be the best medicine at this time.  We met with the surgeon today and set a date for surgery.  April 26th.  It could be an overnight stay in the hospital, but hopefully I will be able to come home the same day.  It looks like about 1 week of intense recovery, and then it depends on how extensive the lymph node harvesting goes.  One thing she mentioned was that radiation usually starts about six weeks after surgery.   That was good to know.  I am sure we will get even more details about that when we meet with the Oncologist on Monday.

Still lots of question marks, but one piece in place feels good.  Now to just get ready!

Tondalea

Clear, so far.

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick note to let you know I had a lymph node ultrasound today and everything looks clear so far.  The same Radiologist read my MRI and he told me that they didn't find any cancer that they didn't already know about, so that seems to be good news.  We meet with the surgeon on Weds and the oncologist the following Monday.  Hopefully we will be on the road to recovery soon!

Tondalea

Everything has changed, but nothing is really different.

As you probably already know, being "good" and checking things off my list  has always been really motivating to me.  That is the mode I was working from when I scheduled my annual exam and mammogram.  As I left the radiologist I thought to myself, "check, on to the next thing!".  That was March 10th.  The following week I got a call from the perkiest woman I have ever heard on the phone asking me to come back for a diagnostic mammogram to "clarify a few things".  I scheduled that appointment thinking, "man, one more appointment to find time for".  I went to that appointment slightly suspicious, but not really worried.  That feeling changed when the technician came to the area I was sitting in and dismissed the other three women, but asked me to go directly over to the ultrasound room.  The radiologist came in and explained that there was an "area of concern" and  that we needed to do a biopsy.  That was scheduled for the 23rd.  They radiologist lied and said that the biopsy was "no big deal" and that I would be numb for the whole thing.  I knew all was not well when the radiologist had trouble doing the biopsy, and the Ultra Sound technician keep pushing for more documentation "in case there is a need for surgery".

Two VERY LONG days later we received the call from my Family Doctor's office.  Cancer.  Me.  Wow.  How does a mother of five have time to fight breast cancer?  I think we have been half numb as we go through the motions to figure out the "personality" of this particular cancer.  We met with the surgeon, and got a feel for the general process, but no real specific plans. She did speak music to our ears, though, when she said her assessment for the odds of surviving this thing and seeing my grandchildren someday was 100% . She ordered a MRI and an Ultrasound of the lymph nodes.  MRI was this morning, not bad, just a bit uncomfortable.  The Ultrasound is on Friday and then we see the surgeon again on the 13th.  So, by the time we have that appointment, it will be almost a month of time since everything has changed, but nothing is really different. 

The nurses keep saying "we don't want this to come at you too quickly,  do you think you will be ready for this appointment at that time?".  I am torn between screaming "Get on with it!" and "I don't want to hear any more". 

I realize there are a million adjustments we are going to have to make as a family to get through this.  One of the ones that I am humbled by most is the fact that I won't be able to DO as much as I want and I just might have to accept help.  I am so touched that so many people have already offered help to us.

Things like this, obviously make you grateful for what you have.  I am so incredibly grateful for my supportive, and loving husband and these 5 beautiful kiddos. 

So, not long after my phone call receiving the diagnosis the thought came to my mind..."I guess that makes me a cancer survivor because there is no other option.  So, along with all of the other hats I get to wear, I guess there will probably be a pink one with a ribbon on it!