Everything has changed, but nothing is really different.

As you probably already know, being "good" and checking things off my list  has always been really motivating to me.  That is the mode I was working from when I scheduled my annual exam and mammogram.  As I left the radiologist I thought to myself, "check, on to the next thing!".  That was March 10th.  The following week I got a call from the perkiest woman I have ever heard on the phone asking me to come back for a diagnostic mammogram to "clarify a few things".  I scheduled that appointment thinking, "man, one more appointment to find time for".  I went to that appointment slightly suspicious, but not really worried.  That feeling changed when the technician came to the area I was sitting in and dismissed the other three women, but asked me to go directly over to the ultrasound room.  The radiologist came in and explained that there was an "area of concern" and  that we needed to do a biopsy.  That was scheduled for the 23rd.  They radiologist lied and said that the biopsy was "no big deal" and that I would be numb for the whole thing.  I knew all was not well when the radiologist had trouble doing the biopsy, and the Ultra Sound technician keep pushing for more documentation "in case there is a need for surgery".

Two VERY LONG days later we received the call from my Family Doctor's office.  Cancer.  Me.  Wow.  How does a mother of five have time to fight breast cancer?  I think we have been half numb as we go through the motions to figure out the "personality" of this particular cancer.  We met with the surgeon, and got a feel for the general process, but no real specific plans. She did speak music to our ears, though, when she said her assessment for the odds of surviving this thing and seeing my grandchildren someday was 100% . She ordered a MRI and an Ultrasound of the lymph nodes.  MRI was this morning, not bad, just a bit uncomfortable.  The Ultrasound is on Friday and then we see the surgeon again on the 13th.  So, by the time we have that appointment, it will be almost a month of time since everything has changed, but nothing is really different. 

The nurses keep saying "we don't want this to come at you too quickly,  do you think you will be ready for this appointment at that time?".  I am torn between screaming "Get on with it!" and "I don't want to hear any more". 

I realize there are a million adjustments we are going to have to make as a family to get through this.  One of the ones that I am humbled by most is the fact that I won't be able to DO as much as I want and I just might have to accept help.  I am so touched that so many people have already offered help to us.

Things like this, obviously make you grateful for what you have.  I am so incredibly grateful for my supportive, and loving husband and these 5 beautiful kiddos. 

So, not long after my phone call receiving the diagnosis the thought came to my mind..."I guess that makes me a cancer survivor because there is no other option.  So, along with all of the other hats I get to wear, I guess there will probably be a pink one with a ribbon on it!