"Exhale"

Well, I have been thinking that I should update this blog for about a month now.  Radiation is finished.  So happy to have that done!

The last month has been sort of "just hangin' on".  I have tried to get back to normal...but I have discovered that normal is long gone. 

 Yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me.  The only way I could think to describe it was to "exhale".  I feel like I have been holding my breath just hoping I could make it through all of the hard stuff and still somewhat take care of my family.  The beginning of school meant a chance to get on with the business of life.  I think we are all really ready for that.

I am hoping the fact that the kids started school yesterday and we will now have ROUTINE in our life again will help.  They were all pretty much begging to get back to school.  This summer really hasn't been any fun for any of us, sigh. Megan and Ariana seem to like their teachers, and LOVE wearing new school clothes.  Liam likes middle school so far--he has some classes with friends, and loves the expanded choices at lunch.  :)  Kate is happy to be back with friends, and busy.  She even said she was bored with reading so much and ready for school again~  Lydia is off and running with Marching Band and will soon begin teaching several beginning piano students.  Yeah, all of the years of lessons are paying off!  She is excited to do it, and also excited about the spending money she will have.  She also wants to save up to go to EFY again next summer because she had so much fun there this year.  There is a bonus this school year--she is driving so Mom doesn't have to be the taxi quite so often.

Today I visited my radiation oncologist for a follow up visit.  I was surprised at the visceral reaction I had to not wanting to be in that building.  I found myself sitting as close to the exit as possible while waiting to be called back into a room.  Strange, because I used to go there every single day for treatment.  Mostly this visit was just to make sure that all of the skin problems from the radiation have resolved...and they have, so that is good.  I still have some swollen muscles that make reaching and twisting painful sometimes.  The good news is that he said that should resolve in a month or so as the swelling dissipates.

The continued mystery seems to be navigating all of the side effects of the medication that I will take for the next five years.  Basically it shuts down the reception of the hormones in my body.  Some folks describe it as chemically induced menopause.  The most common side effects are hot flashes/night sweats and weight gain.  I haven't had much trouble with the hot flashes thing, but the weight gain is terrible!  The only way I could think of to describe it is feeling "puffy".  Not only have I gained weight and lost what little waist I was holding on to, my feet and sometimes my hands just feel "puffy".  Reminds me of the last trimester in pregnancy.  Unfortunately this won't be over in a few months and I don't get a sweet little bundle of joy to make it all worth it!  I have also experienced some nausea and today my blood pressure was really low. Maybe that is why I haven't really been a bundle of energy lately.   I am trying to remind myself that I don't have to have all of the spring cleaning that didn't get done finished the first three days the kids are in school.  Maybe spring cleaning will get done by Christmas?  Maybe not...

So on to new chapters...spring and summer flowers never did get planted at our house this year, but I do think I will make it a point to go get some mums this weekend.  I love the fall.  Time to embrace that and just let go of what is done...

Thanks everyone for your love and support during this crazy ride called cancer!

Tondalea